guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
