I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Screwed.edu
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
