Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
