I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
