i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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