I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
