Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
