Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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