the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
