Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
