I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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