I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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