I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
