Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
