Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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