i need an iv and a liver transplant
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
