alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
