theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
