I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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