I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
