You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
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