In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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