how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
