We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
