nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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