Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
BRING THE BAGELS
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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