She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
