i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
