Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
