I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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