we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
