so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
