I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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