so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
