btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You are the jesus of drinking
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
