I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
