He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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