You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
