Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
