I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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