My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
