Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
