i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just googled if crying burns calories
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
