As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Sorry about my life...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
