and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
