it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
