I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
