last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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