he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
