That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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