I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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